Love after marriage or marriage after love!
Scene1: Shyla woke up in a jolt all tensed and sweating
profusely. Anxiety was clear on her face and she had all reasons to be so, her
marriage was just a couple of days away. She was getting married to Anush, a
person she knew nothing about, a person with whom she would be spending her
entire life with!
Was Anush a right match for Shyla? Will she be happy? Will
her marriage life be all bliss?
Scene2: Krish is busy shopping for a wedding suit along with
Piya with whom he is getting married to in a few days time. He knows Piya for more than a couple of years and yes they fell in love and have now decided to enter wedlock.
Both look happy at the moment and everything seems rosy!
Are they a perfect match for each other? How long will the
happiness last? Will his life after marriage be the same?
Well, this debate can go on and on and there is no end to
it… let me pen my thoughts:
All love does not end
in marriage and any marriage without love will not survive.
You marry the person you love in a love marriage and you
love the person you marry in an arranged marriage – What’s your preference?
i) You get to know a person, start to understand him/her,
share with him/her and by the time you get over this phase, a strong bond would
have developed between the couple (or you can say love would have blossomed)
that acts as a foundation for the rest of your wedded life. This takes time and
is a slow process.
In a love marriage, you know the person very well, so there
is nothing new to know after marriage, you have to put up to all those positive
/negative things that you are well aware of. The understanding levels are high and
you are aware of what to expect from your partner.
ii) You marry an individual in a love marriage with /
without anybody’s consent. Just the 2 individuals matter here.
An arranged marriage is a bond between two families not only
the individuals. 2 Families are under the scanner here, the family background,
reputation, living, affordability etc.
iii) Parents may support / may not support love marriages,
it’s more of an individual choice and decision for the couple, you chart out
your own path more or less.
Parents are the key in arranged marriages – right from the
hunt to horoscope matching to discussions to marriage – the path is laid, you
just walk on it.
iv) Individual expect more from their partner as they are
already know each other and make very few compromises after marriage –
expectation levels are very high and ‘may’ lead to altercations.
Knowing nothing about each other, compromises and
adjustments are an integral part of an arranged marriage and the compromises /
adjustments extend the longevity of the arranged marriages.
v) Parental guidance or family support is absent in the case
of a love marriage held without their consent. You are on your own in times of
crisis (domestic / financial / nuptial / family) that could lead to more ego
clashes and altercations.
Parental guidance / family support are always omnipresent in
arranged marriages and they aid the couple in times of any type of crisis.
vi) A small change in behavior can lead to explosive
situations in an love marriage (the most common statement being – You weren’t
like this before marriage).
Compromises are integral for an arranged marriage to
survive.
Scene3: Anush and Shyla are married for more than 8 months
now. The initial discords and uncomfortable factor has now vanished and slowly
they are seeing the positives and negatives of each other, love is surely
blossoming!
Scene4: 8 months into their love wedding, slowly but surely
the bliss has reduced and the realities of life are staring them in the face.
What seemed to be all good and sundry before marriage is slowly turning out to
be irritation!
The above two scenario’s are not the case in every marriage
as it can just be the opposite too. A wrong match from the family and the
couple suffer to the extreme and supportive parents can bless a love marriage
too albeit at a later stage in life.
Wiki says most of the
marriages in India
are arranged marriages and the divorce rate is just 1.1% compared to the rest
of the world.
We often hear the below statements:
You were so caring before marriage, what happened now? (In a
love marriage)
You had an affair with another woman? (In an arranged
marriage)
You don’t love me as much as you did before our marriage!
(In a love marriage)
Your Parents find fault with everything I do! (In an
arranged marriage)
…
I’m hugely in favor of an arranged marriage but of late,
changing lifestyles, changing trends, globalization, slow and steady increase in
divorce rates and a lot of factors are making me think otherwise. Still, for the present I do nod in favor
albeit slightly towards an arranged marriage or a self-arranged marriage!
What’s your pick?
Everything expressed above is my individual opinion and
every individual have their own in this regard – the debate rages on in the new
show on Sony entertainment television – Love marriage ya Arranged marriage,
follow their Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange
This unusual post is written be me as a part of a entry for the contest on Indiblogger seen here...
India's low divorce rates may be driven by the social stigma associated with broken marriages. The Satyamev Jayate episode shows how women endure abusive relationships. In a similar way I guess men too feel obliged to continue broken relationships. In a country beset with ills such as marital abuse, marital rape and dowry, it's tough to brand one style of marriage as better than another.
ReplyDeleteVery true and the current trending indicates the slow shift towards high divorce rates slowly but steadily... but what I feel is this is happening only at the higher-middle and upper classes of society, the segment of people in lower and middle class still opt to struggle!
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