Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Love after marriage or marriage after love!

Love after marriage or marriage after love!

Scene1: Shyla woke up in a jolt all tensed and sweating profusely. Anxiety was clear on her face and she had all reasons to be so, her marriage was just a couple of days away. She was getting married to Anush, a person she knew nothing about, a person with whom she would be spending her entire life with!
Was Anush a right match for Shyla? Will she be happy? Will her marriage life be all bliss?

Scene2: Krish is busy shopping for a wedding suit along with Piya with whom he is getting married to in a few days time. He knows Piya for more than a couple of years and yes they fell in love and have now decided to enter wedlock. Both look happy at the moment and everything seems rosy!
Are they a perfect match for each other? How long will the happiness last? Will his life after marriage be the same?

Well, this debate can go on and on and there is no end to it… let me pen my thoughts:

All love does not end in marriage and any marriage without love will not survive.
You marry the person you love in a love marriage and you love the person you marry in an arranged marriage – What’s your preference?

i) You get to know a person, start to understand him/her, share with him/her and by the time you get over this phase, a strong bond would have developed between the couple (or you can say love would have blossomed) that acts as a foundation for the rest of your wedded life. This takes time and is a slow process.
In a love marriage, you know the person very well, so there is nothing new to know after marriage, you have to put up to all those positive /negative things that you are well aware of. The understanding levels are high and you are aware of what to expect from your partner.

ii) You marry an individual in a love marriage with / without anybody’s consent. Just the 2 individuals matter here.
An arranged marriage is a bond between two families not only the individuals. 2 Families are under the scanner here, the family background, reputation, living, affordability etc.

iii) Parents may support / may not support love marriages, it’s more of an individual choice and decision for the couple, you chart out your own path more or less.
Parents are the key in arranged marriages – right from the hunt to horoscope matching to discussions to marriage – the path is laid, you just walk on it.

iv) Individual expect more from their partner as they are already know each other and make very few compromises after marriage – expectation levels are very high and ‘may’ lead to altercations.
Knowing nothing about each other, compromises and adjustments are an integral part of an arranged marriage and the compromises / adjustments extend the longevity of the arranged marriages.

v) Parental guidance or family support is absent in the case of a love marriage held without their consent. You are on your own in times of crisis (domestic / financial / nuptial / family) that could lead to more ego clashes and altercations.
Parental guidance / family support are always omnipresent in arranged marriages and they aid the couple in times of any type of crisis.

vi) A small change in behavior can lead to explosive situations in an love marriage (the most common statement being – You weren’t like this before marriage).
Compromises are integral for an arranged marriage to survive.

Scene3: Anush and Shyla are married for more than 8 months now. The initial discords and uncomfortable factor has now vanished and slowly they are seeing the positives and negatives of each other, love is surely blossoming!

Scene4: 8 months into their love wedding, slowly but surely the bliss has reduced and the realities of life are staring them in the face. What seemed to be all good and sundry before marriage is slowly turning out to be irritation!

The above two scenario’s are not the case in every marriage as it can just be the opposite too. A wrong match from the family and the couple suffer to the extreme and supportive parents can bless a love marriage too albeit at a later stage in life.

Wiki says most of the marriages in India are arranged marriages and the divorce rate is just 1.1% compared to the rest of the world.

We often hear the below statements:

You were so caring before marriage, what happened now? (In a love marriage)
You had an affair with another woman? (In an arranged marriage)
You don’t love me as much as you did before our marriage! (In a love marriage)
Your Parents find fault with everything I do! (In an arranged marriage)

I’m hugely in favor of an arranged marriage but of late, changing lifestyles, changing trends, globalization, slow and steady increase in divorce rates and a lot of factors are making me think otherwise. Still, for the present I do nod in favor albeit slightly towards an arranged marriage or a self-arranged marriage!

What’s your pick?

Everything expressed above is my individual opinion and every individual have their own in this regard – the debate rages on in the new show on Sony entertainment television – Love marriage ya Arranged marriage, follow their Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

This unusual post is written be me as a part of a entry for the contest on Indiblogger seen here...
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